Monday, January 23, 2012

A little lost

I know I haven't spent much time on my blog. I've been over on Facebook, wasting time. I've been a little lost since the fire. I was in a state of shock, losing everything but keeping the things most important to me; my family and my pets. Nobody died, just a neighborhood. I haven't talked much about this to anybody. My family says I need counseling. It's post traumatic stress syndrome. I've become very quiet, not having much to say about anything. I could probably type for hours on the subject, but not tonight. Tonight is for Milo. Milo was born in the mountains on a cold February day. He's a mountain boy. Always has been. He likes running wild through the woods; chasing rabbits, foxes, and yes, bears. He's not afraid of the dark, just the low rumble of thunder during a thunderstorm. He would always find me and stay close during a storm. On a short drive up the hill to Steve and Dee's house, he would run behind my car, trying to stay with me. He would help me raise the flag at the school house. He would lick my face with that big wet tongue and look at me, eye to eye, as if he understood everything I was talking to him about. My brother-in-law lived next door to us, well, kind of for mountain living. That is where Milo's Mom (Shilo) and his sister (Cheyenne) live. When we would leave him at home alone, he would bark and howl; scratch at the door until it splintered. Finally, we started leaving him with his mom and sister. He seemed to enjoy the family living, at least until I came home. Then he couldn't get up to me fast enough. Fortunately, my brother-in-law did not lose his house in the fire. We tried keeping Milo with us in town but it didn't work out well for him. He needed to run free in his forest. We talked to my brother-in-law and his wife. They agree that he needed to stay up in Sunshine, so they kind of adopted him. I get visitation rights anytime I want them. For a while I would bring him into town on weekends. He would not leave me. He was always just behind me, on my right side. When I would take him home, he would jump out of the car and run over to his mom. I quit spending time with Milo almost a year ago. I know it's best for him. He's happy now. I just really, really miss him.

11 comments:

Indigo said...

You've undergone a lot of changes in the past year dear friend. You also chose Milo's happiness over your own. Make no mistake he misses you as much as you miss him.

I know there is no replacing him in your life, but maybe it's time to get another puppy? One who grows up in the new house and is familiar with your new neighborhood. Just a thought, I know my animals have boosted my moral more times than not. (Hugs)Indigo

ADB said...

Whenever I would read your blog until the fire, David, I was always expecting and would always find a reference to Milo. I am glad he is where he should be; but can feel your sense of loss. I hope you can return to Sunshine permanently in the near future. However, that may not be.

Adjusting to changes, and certainly traumatic ones, can be difficult. Whether counselling is the route to take is not for me to suggest. Maybe speak to other villagers who are in the same position? But then, that may be too traumatic for all involved. I'll post you on Call for Support.

Guido

Jeannette said...

I came over via Guido David. It must have been traumatic to lose everything in the fire. I think you've shown your love for Milo by deciding that he'd be happier where he belongs and let him go where I'm sure your brother in law is taking great care of him. A lot of people would have clung on to such a great dog after losing so much.I hope that one day you'll be able to put this awful time behind you but it's going to take time. Meanwhile there's always your visits to Milo, I'm sure he listens to every word you say to him, animals are great therapy.

Kath said...

I came by way of Guido too, as did Jeannette.May I say how sorry I am to read of your sad losses.What a traumatic time you have had.It tells in your words how much you loved Milo,so it's not hard to tell how much Milo loved you too and still does.God Is Good and he leads the way for everyone.I am sure he will see you through all this and more.I would advise some sort of councelling,it would most certainly help.I passed through Boulder a few years back,visiting USA.Prayers will be said for you and yours.Please Take Care God Bless Kath Motherhen xx

Helen said...

I am so sorry that you lost your home. I know you miss Milo very much. Hopefully you can be with him again one day. Helen

Barb said...

You have such a great heart, one that is obviously full of love for Milo. The fact that he's not with you shows how deeply you love him. Trust me, my friend. He misses you just as much. Regarding all you've lost. Words at times like this seem almost senseless, in a way. Yet, for those of us who want to help it's all we can give. Know that I will be keeping you in prayer, and wish only the best for you. Please consider visiting journeyofhearts. It's a wonderful link created by doctors for those who have suffered a loss. I've used it many times and with my husband on hospice, will no doubt be using it again. Take care.

FrankandMary said...

David,

I remember you from quite some time ago on AOL...& no one could ever forget Milo. I am so very sorry, on so many different levels.

I spent a few years exhausted & disillusioned & just recently, good therapy has indeed helped me...maybe it is an option for you. Perhaps it would help to dive into some emotions you've not previously indulged. Whatever you choose, I will be thinking of you & stopping back. ~Mary

Rjet33 said...

Wow, David! What love you have for Milo putting his needs before your own! I know you miss him. My heart aches for you and all you have lost. When we lived in Colorado, we came very close to being evacuated due to the Hayman fire. It was a scary time for us. Will keep you and family in my prayers. I can't imagine. I always enjoyed reading your blogs about Sunshine because I miss Colorado so much. Take care! God Bless.

Missie said...

Thanks for sharing your blog link on FB. I've added myself as a follower. Milo sounds like a fantastic dog. I had gone thru some life changing events last year and I suffered from PDS. Some counceling would really help you. Have a good one and I look forward to reading more.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear of your fire and trauma. I have only read a little but will read some more. Wonderful photos of your puppy's :) Thanks for sharing.

Joann said...

David, I remember you and happy to see you back, I'm sorry that you are missing Milo, it's very brave of you to leave him where he is happiest, but I know he misses you too. So sad that you had to move from Sunshine, but I hope you will find peace and comfort in your new home soon. Very good to hear from you.
Joann~